Indoor fireworks amuse your kitchen staff
  Dusting plastic garlic plants
  They snigger in the draught
  When you ride through the parlour
  Wearing nothing but your armour-
  Playing Indoor Games.
  
  One string puppet shows amuse
  Your sycophantic friends
  Who cheer your rancid recipes
  In fear they might offend,
  Whilst you loaf on your sofa
  Sporting falsies and a toga-
  Playing Indoor Games, Indoor Games.
  
  Your mean teetotum spins arouse your seventh wife
  Who pats her sixty little skins
  And reinsures your life,
  Whilst you sulk in your sauna
  'Cos you lost your jigsaw corner-
  Playing Indoor Games, Indoor Games.
  
  Each afternoon you train baboons to sing
  Or swim in purple perspex water wings.
  Come Saturday jump hopper, chelsea brigade,
  High bender-trender it's all Indoor Games.
  
  No ball bagatelle incites
  Your children to conspire,
  They slide across your frying pan
  And fertilize your fire;
  Still you and Jones go madder
  Broken bones-broken ladder-
  Hey Ho . . .